Syndicate

OK, I've got a few problems with this scenario. First and foremost, Hulk Hogan is not an effective spokesperson for anything except birth control. As in, "I'm a good example of one of those people who really shouldn't breed." Yeah, I know that was harsh, but Hogan really doesn't know best. Neither of his children are going anywhere in life, especially the jackass with the leadfoot. Totally f**ked up his friend's life but still has the audacity to show up at car shows. Tool.

One only has to look at the parents of the jackass to understand how he could have turned out that way. "Mother" Linda just announced she's marrying her now-21-year-old boytoy after two whirlwind years of grossing everybody else the f**k out with their frankly disturbing PDA. Her children went to school with this cheap little rent-a-cock; her ex-husband talks about doing her like OJ did Nicole when he sees the boytoy driving his Escalade around town. And now he wants to sell you a little something to clean your hands. Coincidence? Perhaps not.

Ted and his brothersTed Kennedy was called the Lion of the Senate. He made a lot of mistakes when he was younger, most notably the nasty little mess in Chappaquiddick, but he served his country well for many years. He'd been suffering from brain cancer this past year, and finally gave up the fight last night.

Dominick Dunne, for those who aren't familiar, is one of my all-time favorite authors and the very best in his genre, the lives of the rich and famous. He was absolutely brilliant at taking a true story, changing a few names and places, and telling the real story as it would never be told. He covered the Martha Moxley-Michael Skakel case, the OJ Simpson case, and many other deliciously juicy tales. He also had been suffering from cancer for quite some time, and it's a shame he didn't make it. He was said to be working on a book when he passed - I hope it gets published. The Master

I wonder if she was even there for his sentencing. Last I heard she was recovering from yet another of her unusual accidents, almost all of which her mother blames OJ for, despite the fact that he's usually miles away by the time the cops catch up with him.

Not this time, murdering wife-beating pile of excrement. OJ's arrogance and belief that he was above the law finally caught up with him in Vegas, and today the Judge handed down her sentence. It was pretty complicated, but what it boils down to is he will serve somewhere between 9 and 33 years.

During the sentencing OJ gave a rambling and sometimes weepy statement, saying he didn't mean it and was so, so sorry. The Judge wasn't buying it, and denied his request for bail while his case is appealed. Smart move; otherwise we'd end up with another 5 mile-per-hour freeway chase. I'm sure he never really believed he'd be convicted or serve any real time. Just like he thought he could continue high on the hog while avoiding his $33-million obligation to the Goldman family. He can certainly forget about living high on anything, as a matter of fact. Inside sources at the Vegas jail where he's been held report that he's been screaming and carrying on, suffering excruciating pain while withdrawing from painkillers. It's not justice for Ron and Nicole, but it's close.

That was for MamaI mean, really. Since hooking up with OJ at his murder trial, Christie has cracked her head in a gas station, had her upper body hurled through a windshield, broken bones ... he even kidnapped her, according to her mother, only to release her when the cops were on the way. And still this dirtbag walks the streets, living high on his football pension.

Meanwhile, his first wife has been forced to get a job at Walmart to make ends meet because OJ refuses to pay her any support. Their daughter, Arnelle, who stood by her father during his trial but has since steadily grown apart. Their estrangement came to a violent head on August 24th, when Arnelle attacked both OJ and Christie, shoving her father into a glass cabinet, where he got cut up and all bloody and shit. Arnelle panicked and called 911 but hung up when operators answered. Police were sent to OJ's house and a report was filed, but he declined to press any charges.

Maybe he's just working on a way to paint her as the mysterious intruder who killed his ex-wife and her friend.

Pretty Boy SpectorPhil's dream team was almost, but not quite, as good as OJ's. They didn't get him an acquittal, but they did kerfuffle their way into a mistrial, so at least he's still a free man. He must feel so powerful. What kind of man gets his rocks off on shoving a gun into a woman's mouth so hard he busts out her front teeth, then blows the top of her head off?

Why, a filthy rich little douchebag, that's who. He's not done yet, either. Spector recently fired the dream team from his first trial and hired San Francisco attorney Doron Weinberg to represent him. Mr. Weinberg says he needs at least five months to review all the materials in the case. Another Spector attorney will be tied up in death penalty cases until September, so they're seeking to put off the trial until then.

Sept. 26 will mark the anniversary of the mistrial verdict; Miss Clarkson was killed in 2003. Spector's defense team claimed that Lana put the gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger, killing herself before Phil could stop her, a claim those who knew Lana strongly reject. Spector was (and probably still is) a freaky little misogynist, well known for his penchant for handguns and violence toward women. Justice has never seemed so far away.