Syndicate

OK, I've got a few problems with this scenario. First and foremost, Hulk Hogan is not an effective spokesperson for anything except birth control. As in, "I'm a good example of one of those people who really shouldn't breed." Yeah, I know that was harsh, but Hogan really doesn't know best. Neither of his children are going anywhere in life, especially the jackass with the leadfoot. Totally f**ked up his friend's life but still has the audacity to show up at car shows. Tool.

One only has to look at the parents of the jackass to understand how he could have turned out that way. "Mother" Linda just announced she's marrying her now-21-year-old boytoy after two whirlwind years of grossing everybody else the f**k out with their frankly disturbing PDA. Her children went to school with this cheap little rent-a-cock; her ex-husband talks about doing her like OJ did Nicole when he sees the boytoy driving his Escalade around town. And now he wants to sell you a little something to clean your hands. Coincidence? Perhaps not.

Betcha can't catch me ...: THUD.Such a pussy. Seriously, this is a guy who has proven time and time again that he can take a beating. If this girl put him in the hospital she was aiming for the bleachers.

Details are still sketchy, but apparently Bam has a bar in Pennsylvania. Bam was in his bar last night/early this morning when he got into some kind of altercation with a woman outside his bar, and when he tried to walk away from the woman she clocked him in the back of the head and put his lights out.

As of tonight Bam was reportedly still in the hospital, although his condition is not known. I hope it's not that serious ... and I hope Peach doesn't take the opportunity to exact her revenge on her demented son for all the times he trashed her house, her car, and her bathrooms. It would make for great TV, but I think he's been through enough. Plus, you know the guys at Jackass will never let him live this down.

Will balance checkbook with Milk BoneWe all know the buck (bark?) stops with Daisy. She's the only one with any common sense in that house. If it weren't for Daisy, the lights probably would've been shut off months ago. Didn't think a dog could pay the bills and run a household? You don't know Daisy.

Daisy was originally a gift to Jessica from ex-husband Nick Lachey. She apparently is the only good thing to come out of that marriage. She tried to get them to work it out, but Jessica was convinced she had to ditch Nick because she was the bigger star. She may well be, but it's not like his career is going anywhere either - for all intents and purposes he appears to be a professional vacationer these days.

Daisy has had to deal with a lot of heartbreak since Daddy Nick left. There was that douche from Maroon 5, the Jackass boys and of course John Mayer, who Daisy tried and tried to convince not to leave. She had finally found a capable chess partner, you see. Jessica still hasn't mastered checkers and Daisy's just sick to death of Chutes and Ladders. Of course Connect Four is out of the question.